Sporkchop New Year

I thought I would be married by now.

I turned 32 this week, and I am not anywhere close to the life that I had imagined for myself. We're fed a sort of dream life when we're young, the things we're supposed to want. Get married, have kids, build a successful career. But what if the person you thought you were going to spend your life with decides to leave after seven years? What if you don't have a maternal bone in your body? What if you prefer to put your energy into fulfilling hobbies and don't think that how you make your money is all that important?

My long-term relationship ended in November, a month before our seventh anniversary. We were "on a break" for four months before that. Things had been difficult for a while, for several reasons. We've chosen to remain friends.

But that's not what this blog is about. While I may sometimes mention Rhy (not his real name), I don't want to focus on my relationship, its problems, and its subsequent end. This is about me, a woman who has spent the past decade molding, limiting, and minimizing myself to fit into relationships with men that could not show up for me in the ways that I needed.

This is about me learning to show up in those ways for myself. This is about me exploring the areas of myself that have been ignored and neglected. This is about me acknowledging that I am allowed to take up space. This is about me trying new things, leveling up my existing skills, learning how to take care of my physical and emotional needs, and just having fun getting to know myself. I don't know who I am outside of a relationship anymore, and I'm excited to find out.

If you want to take that journey with me, feel free to stick around.